֍ 45 ֍ One Billion Euros • An Allegory

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Once upon a time, three businessmen from Siberia, Mozkov, Ruzsiav, and Sovietski, visited a powerful and respected mafioso named Gabislav. They arrived in very expensive suits and requested a formal meeting. Gabislav was very busy with his businesses and initially refused. But for three days the three Siberians insisted so Gabislav reluctantly accepted.

As they stood in front of Gabislav and his mafia minions, Gabislav said, “I’m a very busy man. I hope you’re not here to waste my time.”

Mozkov speaks, “Thank you for meeting with us, Mr. Gabislav. We certainly don’t want to waste your time, so let’s get to the point: We have a proposal for you. We know that you’re worth many 100’s of millions of Euros. We want to propose a partnership to grow your wealth to 1 billion Euros.”

Gabislav is unimpressed. He’s heard such talk from Siberian scammers, but decides to let them continue – because he’s had a good sleep. They continue, “We’re aware that you probably haven’t heard of us. We’ve been successful in Siberia for many years and have built successful businesses. We’re confident that our combined efforts can build your empire tenfold.”

Gabislav interjects and says, “You’re lucky that I’m in a good mood. You have my attention.” The three men spend the next hours outlining a detailed plan. It looks credible. It seems they’ve done their due diligence. But the mafia boss knows the game, and slams his fist on the table, “That’s enough. What’s the catch?”

The three Siberians look at each other and Mozkov turns to Gabislav and says, “We have no money so we want a 100 million Euros stake in making you 1 billion Euros.”

Gabislav sits back and thinks for a long time. His minions are nervous. The Siberians are nervous. Finally, he leans forward and says, “Take your clothes off!”. The Siberians look at each other in shock and confusion, “Excuse me?”

The minions take an aggressive step towards the Siberians. Gabislav repeats, “TAKE YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES OFF!”

They frantically begin to strip. The minions watch as the Siberian anxiously take off their expensive suits until they stand completely naked. Gabislav, motions with a finger, and his men approach them and begin to examining every part of their bodies. After an extensive examination, they return to their boss and take turns whispering their assessments.

Gabislav finally addresses the naked Siberians, “My men have told me that your tattoos reflect many achievements and business success. But we don’t recognize all of your markings. Probably they’re important to your region. We’re not sure and we don’t really give a shit. For all we know, every single tattoo on your body is fake, and you scam bosses across Europe all the time. Maybe your past successes weren’t even your own, and you rode the coattails of others while doing fuck-all. We can’t say for certain. So here’s what we’ll do. If you want to do business with us then you’ll need to complete three tasks. If you pass them, then you have a deal.”

The three men look at each other in confusion, and begin to protest, saying that their tattoos are legitimate and they’re not scammers. Gabislav says nothing. He sits back and lets them rant. Eventually, the men stop and realize their arguments are falling on deaf ears. The Siberians deliberate for a few minutes then turn to Gabislav. Mozkov reluctantly say, “OK, please tell us your tasks?”

Gabislav replies, “The first task is to go back to Siberia and earn me 10 million Euros. If you can do this then it’ll prove that your tattoos are legitimate.”

The three Siberian protest, “But we’re proposing a 1 billion Euro deal. Now you want us to make for you 10 million Euros? That doesn’t make sense!”

Gabislav, slams his fist on the table, “That’s my point! Maybe you’ve come here to steal from me! How the fuck am I supposed to know that you’re legitimate! If you show me that you can make money then you’ll have legitimized your credentials.”

The three men look at each other, reluctantly recognizing the logic, but now they’re pissed off because they have a lot of work to do. The Siberians thought this was going to be easy. Three intimidating Russian businessmen pitching a deal-of-a-lifetime to a European mafioso boss in a small town was supposed to be an walk in the park. Nevertheless, they’ve inadvertently gained newfound respect for the mafioso, whom they targeted specifically because he was successful but relatively small amongst the other families. They also realize that 10 million Euros is a fraction of what they would make if they succeed to get a stake in the 1 billion Euro prize. Mozkov speaks, “OK we accept this task and we’ll prove who we say we are. What are the other tasks?”

Gabislav, slams his fist on the table, “I’ll tell you the other tasks after you’ve successfully finished the first one! Now get the fuck out of here!”

The minions take another aggressive step towards the Siberians. They quickly put on their clothes and leave.

Much time passes and they return with a suitcase full of cash. Gabislav is surprised to see them and asks how they were successful. They take turns explaining their business plans and how they eventually earned their profits. Gabislav deliberates with his mafioso minions and speaks, “OK guys, regardless of your tattoos you’ve now legitimized your credentials. Ready for your second task?”

The Siberians nod reluctantly, concerned with what’s to come.

Gabislav says, “You’ve proven that you are good business men. Now I need for you to prove that you have a personal stake in this venture. I want to know where you live, your wives’ names, and all the names of your children.”

All the blood drains from the men’s faces. They deliberate between themselves for a long time. Mozkov speaks, “Mr. Gabislav. We are good businessmen. We have proven to you that we can make money. Why do you ask this from us?”

Gabislav replies, “It’s very simple – I distrust people who don’t have a personal stake in their businesses. Sociopathic manipulators will screw their best friends to get what they want. Scammers will make everyone risk their time, money, and reputations and leverage nothing in return. If everything goes to shit, they walk away with clean hands and leave all their victims lying in the mud. Then they’re off planning their next scam. I don’t deal with these types of mother fuckers! Maybe you’re not narcissistic assholes. At this stage, I don’t know. Maybe all this shit you’re playing is just theatre, and we’re the audience. In my experience, I can’t trust people who have zero personal risk in their business, but want everyone to leverage their lives, families, and finances. They soak the most important resource from the world: Time. I won’t let you waste my time. That’s not how I do business. Business is personal! My men have suffered beside me. Together we have shed blood, sweat, and tears. This makes us brothers. They have proven themselves many times over in the years we’ve worked together – in success and failure. I have no such experience with you. I need to see your willingness to sacrifice what we have already sacrificed. If you screw me then your children will be my minions and will spend the rest of their lives correcting your mistake. If you fuck me, then I’ll fuck each of your wives!”

All the blood drains from their faces and Sovietski looks like he’s about to faint. A minion gives him a chair. After some deliberation Mozkov says, “OK we’ll do this, but please tell us the last task.”

Gabislav, slams his fist on the table, “NO! You’ll get the last task after you’ve passed this one!”

The three men begin to tell the minions all their details. With a wave of Gabislav’s finger, the minions go to Siberia and confirm that all the information is correct. Many days pass and the minions return and deliver their reports. Gabislav says, “Guys, you’ve passed the second task. Congratulations for telling the truth. You’re almost there. Are you ready for your final task?”

The three men look at each other with a combination of fear and exhaustion. Mozkov bows his head and says, “Yes,… sir…”

Gabislav speaks, “You have proven to me your business successes are legitimate and that you’re willing to risk your families. You’re given me some assurance that you’re not pathologically assholes who would bury their family in a scam. But there’s one final thing you haven’t risked – your own existence.”

Fear and anxiety set in and Sovietski needs to sit down again. Gabislav continues, “Guys, you have not been made. You have leveraged your family, but even if you lose them, you’re still free. And so you need to be made. For evidence, we will film the event in 8K 60 fps with H.265 encoding using my new Red V-Raptor camera that I just bought. It’s a beautiful piece of engineering!”

After many hours of deliberation, Mozkov says, “OK, if this is needed to close the deal then we accept your final task. But why do you need to film us?”

Gabislav, slams his fist on the table, “I need evidence that you are willing to share in the blood, sweat, and tears of my brothers. You need to prove that you’re one of us so that if everything goes to shit then you’ll sink with the rest of us. My business will suffer in the short term but I’ll have gained three wives, and all your children as my minions. So the risk-reward balance is acceptable to me.”

The Siberians go off with a minion film crew. After some time they return. A minion plays the video for Gabislav. He watches intently, thinks for a bit, then says, “Gentlemen, you have completed all three tasks. You have a deal”. Gabislav continues, “But allow me to preface by clarifying that you should not assume we trust you. Trust will be earned in time. Completing your tasks brings you closer to us, but we’re far from being brothers. That said, you’re off to a good start.”

Sovietski speaks for the first time, “Mr. Gabislav, may I ask a question please?” Gabislav nods.

“Why did you ask us to strip naked. That seemed excessive. We could have shown you our tattoos without stripping.”

Gabislav responds, “That’s true, Sovietski. But when I work with someone, I need to see who they are. You came to me with attitude and in expensive suits and unproven claims. I needed to see you without your masks. I needed to see your soul. I needed to see what you’re made of. I needed to see your humility. I needed to see your insecurities. This is the first step to becoming brothers.”

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When I work with someone, I need to see who they are. I need to see them without their masks. I need to see their soul. I need to see what they’re are made of. I need to see their humility. I need to see their insecurities. That’s the first step to becoming partners.

Ruzsiav speaks for the first time, “Mr. Gabislav may I also ask a question, please?” Gabislav nods. “We understand the nature of the third task, but why 8K 60fps. Isn’t that overkill?”

Gabislav responds, “Ruzsiav, it’s nice to hear you finally speak. The next evolution for video is 8K 60fps. Maybe even 16K and beyond. Certainly it’s overkill by today’s standards, but in a hundred years it will be completely normal to encode and decode with these technical parameters. What we have now will be probably considered poor quality. No one knows for sure. We can’t predict the future. What I can control is what I have at my disposal. I’m a forward thinker and I don’t focus on today’s norms; I want what’s best for our children’s children, and their children. That is why I want to make 1 billion Euros.”

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֍ Series ֍ Life • Philosophy • Psychology

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