֍ 43 ֍ Personality • Behavior

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I’m a firm believer that people can’t change their personalities – only their behavior. Personality formulates from adolescence and solidify in puberty. After that only behavior can evolve.

Relationships are challenging and the delineation between personality and behavior can be confusing. Friction begins when one partner tries to change the other, based on a driving need to “fix” them. The fixer justifies this as an improvement to their relationship. But it serves only to improve the life of the one asking.

Behavioral conflict is alleviated when there is complete acceptance of a partner’s strengths and weaknesses. A utopian partnership is based on accepting all their partner’s faults. Unfortunately the world doesn’t work that way. Reflecting objectively on a relationship means asking: Are we compromising equally? Are we both making sacrifices for the betterment of the relationship?

Trying to modify a partner’s behavior without changing themselves is a win only for the fixer. The systemic drive to change a partner serves only one side. The sufferer is under the illusion that their allotted laundry list of changes will eventually be completed. Instead, the list gets longer. Over time they’re overwhelmed by a mountain of sacrifices.

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The delineation between behavior and personality can be confusing. Asking a partner to change their behavior may an unconscious desire to change their personality.

Our greatest strength as humans is our ability to adapt, but it’s also our greatest weakness. After escaping from a psychologically abusive relationship, friends and family ask, “How could you let that happen? Why did you compromise so much? Why did you let it go on for so long?” With 20/20 hindsight, all sacrifices are seen as a weakness – even when the same dysfunctional behavior plays out in the homes of the people pointing judgment. Without self reflection they’re oblivious to the parallels. If compromise is a necessity to a healthy relationship then where should the line be drawn? How much is too much? Unfortunately there is no silver bullet. Every relationship is different. In any case, a fundamental clash of personalities is a clear indication that a relationship is doomed.

The main problem is when the delineation between behavior and personality is misunderstood. Asking a partner to change their behavior may an unconscious desire to change their personality. Since our personalities are hard coded in youth, asking for such changes is like asking their partner to amputate a limb. It’s a form of psychological death. Certain aspects of their personality can be forced dormant, but can never be eliminated. It’s a fruitless effort. If the subjugated don’t know who they are, then they’ll succumb to complete imprisonment.

The polar opposite approach is to making no compromises. In business negotiations, for example, compromise is considered counterproductive because it implies that both parties will suffer. It’s a lose-lose scenario. If we parallel to relationships then the trick is to find win-win improvements where both sides benefit. That’s easily said than done.

Relationships formulated during puberty result in a fusion of sorts. Those who are self-reflective and discover who they are, will understand these nuances. Teenage love intertwines two personalities like no other time in their lives. As new relationships are established in later years, it’s harder to find a compatible personality. For each decade that passes there is further divergence. This is where the Internet helps. Relationship apps and personality tests match prospective partners anywhere in the world – potentially breaking the barriers of ethnicity, culture, economics and social status. The pond becomes an ocean. Matchmaking apps offer the possibility to meet a compatible personality and a chance to find love again.

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֍ Series ֍ Life • Philosophy • Psychology

Dusil Photography captures exquisite moments with models who dare to be vulnerable and enter the world of sensuality. I’ve been blessed with the freedom to explore their deepest emotions. Whether it’s alluring curves or a seductive gaze, each photograph tells her story. My portfolio reflects a seamless fusion of feminine beauty and compassion.